Belonging together

I haven't updated in awhile, but today, it's a must to update. I remember four months back I was telling my best friend Crystal how much I missed high school, especially Prefectorial Board, because I was feeling so left out in my class SG7. Not to say that I was left out, but I didn't manage to mingle in the way I wanted to. But that was four months ago, today it was an altogether different story and for the first time, I'm blogging about SG7 despite the fact that the semester exam is in 5 days and I only touched a teeny-weeny part of Chemistry, which is on the first day. 

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Quoting Wai Kit: 'Today is a crazy day.' Yes, it sure is. To start the day off, I was rushing for the Text-Production Essay on Wall-E until 1am plus in the morning from the previous night, and by the time I finished, my eyes were half closed, but for some odd reasons, I took the time to paint my nails, both nail polish and top coat, and I was supposed to be half asleep. Then, I went to sleep.

Today was the Tan Sri Loy Scholarship Award ceremony and we had to wear formal, so SG7 made formal attire the theme of the day and it turned out to be nothing but fun. It was the first time I'm wearing formal, and well, it felt nice when I see myself looking pro in that outfit. Miss Low asked us why we were dressing up like her and Mr Albert said we looked more like his lecturers while he looked like the student 'cause Friday is his casual wear day. Perhaps because it is so rare that we wear formal, most of the day was spent camwhoring. Well, not during physics and the double period Chemistry, of course, but since we weren't doing much during English and Maths, it was camwhoring time! Camwhoring in formal attire, posing hilarious gay poses, acting like primary school children, and that was what made us SG7, crazy, retarded, silly yet awesome in the same time. 

However, when classes were over and we were preparing to go for lunch before the awards ceremony, Mrs Kalpana (Bio lecturer) broke the news that today was Vi's last day in SG7 (Vi wasn't in the class then). And then, everyone was silent for at least 5 seconds, then everyone was like 'WHY?', 'I thought she said next Friday!', 'Why didn't she tell us?', then turned to stare at Jiunn (the boyfriend), and the sadness in his eyes confirmed it. He only knew yesterday. And another confession, I knew yesterday as well, but Vi begged Jiunn to keep it a secret and Jiunn told me so, and going against her choices isn't really something I'd like to do and plus, who am I to spread the news if the boyfriend was silent? But really, Vi's really cruel. She didn't want to say goodbye, but she denied our rights to say goodbye. She didn't want us to do anything, but she didn't consider whether we wanted to do anything for her. So, at the last minute, Shye Wei went down to buy papers to make a rose cube (with Rachel's help), Xian Ting went to buy a card, Kapil ran from Taylor's to RT to buy a cake, while everyone else scribbled their wishes to Vi. Jacqueline went back to her hostel to get a video she made, and god, it was damn touching. I'm not exactly part of their 'gang' who are from outstation (so they even spent evenings together) and camwhore all the time (so they had loads of pictures together), but viewing their experience in SG7, a group of which I am a member of, I could actually share their happiness. Although I would probably resent the fact that I hadn't took as much pictures and hadn't had as much fun (the type of fun filled with pure craziness), I am glad that I am a part of SG7.

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The realization of the strong bond between us SG7 is overwhelming. We may hang out with different people (it's not exactly quite possible that 26 people hang out as a group ALL the time), but when there is a need, the moment all of us come together to work towards something is the greatest and most cherished moment of all. The bonding, the unity, the sense of belonging, the care; they're all existing. At most times, they are hidden behind the mountain of assignments, but they are there, always there. Sometimes, we don't show them, but deep down, we treasure this one in a lifetime friendship with the whole of our hearts. 

Shye Wei, the one somewhat like me except less temperament and more patient in nature. Rachel, smart one who always answer my questions. Kapil, the computer expert that acts like a kid at times, asks tons of questions and gives explanation long enough for the encyclopedia. Huey Mun, the quiet one. Ming Min, the one who worries about assessments and assignments when there's nothing wrong with the work she produces. Vilaiwan, the Siamese girl who is nice to everyone and laughs maniacally. Jiunn, the boyfriend of Vi who does stupid things and dresses like Kenny (with the orange jacket and hood). Wai Kit, the coolest giraffe ever who plays guitar like Sungha Jung. Liang Hao, the athlete who sleeps in class and quote GG.com all the time. Jacqueline, another smart girl who's nice as well. Jie Hwi, the one who talks animatedly though English not that good. Kang Wei, the class rep who takes beauty sleep in the evenings. Jo Ern, the one who camwhore's with Kang Wei's iPhone. Xian Ting, the nice girl who makes the initiative to celebrate classmates' birthdays and listens to Miley Cyrus when she doesn't feel good. Joyce, the assistant class rep who is the beautiful wife of Mr Pang. Azelia, the one whose voice is so gentle. Aleka, the one who sings like Adele. Asyari, the Malay who doesn't speak fluent Malay. Edwin, the 100% banana who say the most random things and has the same name as Edwin Goh (Singaporean artiste). Kevin, the Sarawakian with the super thick accent. Anne, another smart girl whom I have the impression is an ex-volleyball player. CJ, the one who looks like angmo. Soon, the one who asks my advice while he rambles away. Calvin, the Smurf-ie guy who is always happy except when he was sick. Sara, the raccoon who goes wei-ah all the times.

And this is what makes SG7 the most awesome class in the world. Thanks for everything.

Forgot to mention, my birthday class celebrated birthday is with SG7. So touched :)

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Last notes: For those who left or are leaving, please remember us as you'll always be in our memory. Loves and kisses.

Ironically me

I think I'm a really ironic person.

I don't know why these days I take some time before I fall into deep sleep, but lying there in the dark, makes me think about things, or rather, it's the only time where there isn't any disturbances; I become sentimental with thought.

I had been thinking: Gwen and I are so alike. I could be wrong, but from her blog updates, this is what I feel. Alike in the way that we are both ironic people.

To justify the statement, I would say that I'm really sentimental about friendships. Almost two months in college and I think I can make the relevant judgements of people around me. I would say my class is separated. It doesn't seem to be separated, but when I think about our relationship and feel with the deepest core of my heart, that's what I feel, somehow. Hearing about Amanda and Crystal's classmates sparked a tinge of envy in me. I don't know. Sometimes, I feel like hanging out along with the crowd, talking crap, making jokes out of nothing; sometimes, I want to be into serious matters, refusing to waste time with nonsense. In class, I feel like a nerd. Or at least, other people made me feel like one. A nerd who is incapable of much fun, but can be credible in assignments. Just a sudden thought, I think I enjoyed Prefectorial Board so much because being a prefect made me refrain from thinking myself as a nerd. Even if it's a fact that I am one.

On the first day of college, we had this ice-breaking activity in which we had to write about first impressions on each other, and I remembered getting almost all 'friendly' with occasional 'not shy'. Remember me saying myself an introvert? I am one. I sometimes think that the out-going, outspoken, talkative me is just a concealment of the sensitive, fragile, weak me. Being tough and strong is like building a fort around myself, preventing myself from falling apart. And friends will be the factors for me to fall apart, if in any case that happens.

High school has made me go through a lot. Or rather, I would say, she made me go through a lot. I don't think I am a sensitive person by nature, but she pushed me to be a sensitive one. I'm still talking about her with resentment. I have thought of to avoid mentioning her by all means, but that doesn't help to soothe the pain. So I'm not running from it; I'm facing it with truthfully. People say forgiving others is the way to release yourself from pain. This is easier said than done. I still couldn't forget, thus still couldn't forgive. She made me go through all this. But on the bright side, I learned the meaning of betrayal and the fact that life isn't always as ideal as we wish it to be.

I somehow feel that through such valuable lessons, I learned to be more reserved. Reserved, as in the reluctant to put trust in others and to share the most inner side of me. And that's why I feel alone. With thoughts drifting into the sea of loneliness.

College is becoming busier than ever, not with the commonly perceived lives of college students, but with the tons of researches and deadlines to meet, all happening at one and cramming together, fighting for attention.

But still, official work wouldn't pull my spirits down as much as the matter mentioned above.

Taylor's

First post (short one) of the year on 12th of January, in Taylor's Library at Subang Jaya campus.

My first class today's at 10am and it's like only 9 now and I've been here since 8 this morning. So let's see a few difference at Taylor's with Kuen Cheng:

• Instead of paying RM3,100 for the whole year in KC, I had already paid RM12,000++ just for the first semester (there's two semester for the whole pre-u course I'm taking).
• I need not wear my school uniform, of which my skirt has become too tight, but then, I need to think what clothes to wear to campus
• There's wi-fi on campus, but it's not much use to me 'cause I don't have a laptop/notebook/iPad/smart phone.
• There's also a computer room called The Web with more than 100 computers open for student's use.
• But I usually use the computers in the library, which has about 50 computers also open for our use.
• We won't be using a lot of books in class and the lecturers usually teach using computer slides.
• By the way, my chemistry lecturer emphasized that they are called lecturers, not teachers.
• Most of the notes, tutorials, assignments, announcements, etc will be posted online in a Blackboard 7, which is something like e-class but way better.
• Taylor's students have their own email, only used for receiving notifications by the college and communicating with teachers. Mine's yuhlin.gan@sd.taylors.edu.my. Don't email me there.
• We have the Student's Portal, which we can receive any ongoing news or updates by the campus and find our campus maps, timetable, attendance, handbook, academic results, academic calendar, booklists and many other things.
• By the way, Taylor's students are somehow called Taylorians.
• There's more Bananas in my class, so I'm like totally speaking English in campus, except when I see some KC friends, then I'll switch back to Chinese.

Today's only my third day on campus, second day in classes, so if you ask me how Taylor's, I'll tell you that now's still too early to make any comments, 'cause I haven't aofficially start classes yet.

Until the next time.

Last Thank You

9:34pm. In 2 hours and 26 minutes, it's going to be a whole new year. Wow. 2012.

Everything will be so new. Most significantly, high school will become part of the past. It just seemed like yesterday when I stepped into Kuen Cheng, where I spent 3 years of junior high and 2 years of high school. I still remembered in 2007, I became one of Kuen Cheng's students. For 7 months, I spent my school days as a typical school girl, where most of my recesses were either spent eating relaxingly in class or walking to and fro the staffs room with my monitor, which soon became my very best friend. Then on 23 July 2007, I was accepted as probationary prefect, and that was, the start of my wonderful experience as a prefect. My experience had not been all nice, there were terrible ones, but I'll still call them wonderful. All these years, I had faced many hardships, but from these obstacles, I learned and grew. I learned to become a better person. I was a hateful prefect at first, but over the years, I learned to handle and carry myself with more grace. I wouldn't say that I'm totally likeable now, but I would say that I had other friends, though not much, other than prefectorial board.

As the year is about to past, and I'm leaving school next year for college, there's a load of people who I'd like to thank, because if I don't note them all down now, I don't when else I would have the mood and chance to express my whole-hearted gratitude towards all these people.

Crystal. My best friend.

I never told you this, but I want to let you know that I love you. I really do. I don't know if you might feel like this, but I had been thinking, if I were you, I would think that Yuh-lin cared about Prefectorial Board more than Crystal. But trust me, you're equally important, or perhaps more important, and you definitely stand a very very high position in my heart. You have no idea how much gratitude I feel towards you. You are the one who have been there for me all the time, never, not even for once, abandon me no matter what happens. You know me, very well indeed. You know when I'm not feeling in the right mood and you leave me to myself when I don't want to talk. I know I have been rather reserved, not willing to tell you too much personal feelings, but believe me, I do want to tell you sometimes, it's just that I didn't know how to start. And I do trust you, down to the core of my heart. I know that I'm sometimes moody and unreasonable, but thanks for tolerating and supporting me no matter how. Thank you for correcting and reminding me whenever I make mistakes. There was a time when I didn't want to hang out with UFO, for a reason which you knew very well, which includes you, so I had been trying to spend time with another group of friends. And I know there was a time also when you felt like hanging with other people. But you know what? After "running wild" for some time, being with you is the where I'm most comfortable. I didn't need to pretend, you knew me too well. Sometimes I didn't want to tell you things because I didn't want you to feel burdened, after all, some people who hurt me are your friends as well. I didn't want to involve you in our fights though I know that you'll be neutral. Just to cut in all short, you're the best thing that's happened to me in the past five years and I truly hope we'll remain best friends throughout our future life ahead. 

Lee Yeng. My baomu.

Throughout my whole "prefect life", you had been my role model. Thank you for being my role model. I remembered once, many many years ago, you said something about being inferior to me 'cause your results are not good. I'm not sure if you remembered that, but I did remember that till now 'cause I never understood why you felt like that. Academic results are not everything, and apart from that, you're so good in everything else. I have been trying to do my best, at first just to not let you down, but soon this became my motivation to go on striving for the best. Every time I do something (as a prefect), I tell myself, your baomu is a great prefect so you must be a good one too. Maybe you thought that you hadn't cared much about me (I once thought that too), but I just want to let you know, you had become my spiritual support and this is enough. Thank you.

Peh Chee. My ex-partner (in zhixuzu).

Getting to know you and having the chance to work with you is the best experience in Prefectorial Board. Thank you for tolerating with my tempers. I don't know if we're considered the best partners, but I never once regretted working with you though we have fights, major or minor ones, rather often. We hardly talk nowadays, after you went to college and I don't know about your future plans, and I'm not even sure we'll keep in touch in the future or not, but you'll always be one of the best people I've ever met.

Jia Jie. My Prefectorial Board soul mate.

You might wonder why I would consider you my soul mate. Well, it was because we share the same heart and spirit for Prefectorial Board. There was once when I felt that there was no one (referring to same age group leaders) besides me who cared about Prefectorial Board, it was you who let me know that I'm not alone. You might not be the one who discussed the Board's operation system and similar things with me, but you're definitely the one who talk about in depth problems regarding our fellow prefects with me. You are always willing to share what you know with me and listen to me opinion and suggestions. You are always so humble, always apologizing for matters which were not even your mistakes. Frankly, I think that you're a better prefect than me, in aspects you are not aware of. You are closer to the juniors which makes them comfortable to open up to you, and this is really helpful as it allows us leaders to know better about the juniors opinions and feelings. Remember my word, you are a great prefect. And thank you  for being my friend.

Tze Hong. My brother #1.

You're like practically the closest junior to me in Prefectorial Board. You are... I'm not sure how to describe you. Maniac? Perverted? Stern? Girlish? Fierce? Serious? You have so many distinctive characters which can make you a pretty confusing person, but no matter which description describes you best, you are my brother. And I thank you for being my brother. I never did have a brother before you, so taking you as my brother feels pretty good. I don't know since when you became one of my closest people, as far as I remember we hardly talked when you first joined Prefectorial Board. But I had always noticed and kept an eye on you because we are bonded through the same baomu. Sometimes, I really think you're like me, attitudinal alike, and this might not always be a good thing. We have that impulsiveness, which some people might consider to be aggression and might offend them. So take care of that. Last but not least, thank you for giving me chance to care for you and thank you for listening to me. I might really consider psychology, you know.

Kuan Ling. My elder sister.

Thank you for being a really great senior to me, teaching me and guiding me to become a better Deputy Head Prefect. You're like the most organised person I've ever met. And to tell you the truth, I once resented your organization because it got me so pressurized. But then, I know that all you're doing is for our best. You train us into becoming better leaders, who can take over and lead Prefectorial Board. And even after you stepped down, you continued to give us advice and helped us out whenever we were in states of uncertainty. Thank you for being there.

Jia Xin. My younger sister.

Hey, I saw your post dedicating your appreciation towards me and now's my turn. Thank you for giving me a chance to care for you. You might think that I'm the one being supportive, but in truth, you also played a role as a supporting figure. You let me know that I'm also capable of comforting others, which I always thought I'm hopeless in. You let me know that a word of support can play such an important role in reliving ones confidence. Thank you for being one who can see things from a different perspective as mine.

Si Kai. My brother #2.

You might not know this, but I really thank you for being one of the people who make my time in Prefectorial Board memorable. Like you said, we don't know since when we became that close, but at this very moment, talking to you is like the easiest thing to do. And for that, I thank you. Thanks for talking to me. :)

Others prefects, Nasha, Ting Fang (my brother #3), Jia Hao, Kai Xin, Teik Yi, Zui Xin, Zu Yi and Xin Ting in particular, thank you for filling my life in high school with wonderful colours. All of your existence have made my life more interesting and memorable. Thank you.

My classmates, just to name a few:

Amanda, Natalie, Li-Fang, Jie Mee, Mei Xian, Ling Jiu, Jing Yuan, Hui Chi, Rosie, Nasha etc

Thank you, guys. Thank you for being my friend. I'm not sure if I am a good friend, but I want to let you know that I really appreciate our friendship. We might not necessarily be the best of friends, we might not have that much topics to share, but all of you have been part of my really great times in class. Thanks for helping me out for the past years, you might not know if you did, but I'm sure that I owe all of you a word of thanks. I love you guys.

Chris. Jian Xiang. Two juniors who came out of nowhere to say hi to me and became my friends since then.

Two of you are like the most peculiar people ever. But still, I thank you guys for willing to be my friends. We might not be close friends, but just to let you know, I really appreciate you guys as my really great juniors. I'm not sure whether you guys have any special intentions, but I'm just really happy that I got to know both of you. Friends are better than foes, don't you agree? Thank you.

11:59pm. 1 minute to 2012. Happy New Year. I hope 2012 will be a great year. College, let it be good. And Kuen Cheng, I'll miss everything about you.

Before I forget, thanks to Madam Chong too.

Family in Heart

I'm alone at home with nothing really important things to do, so yea, this might probably be this year's last post.

It was our school's Orientation Day yesterday, and to make it more significant, it was the last time I'm doing something for the school. I felt happy yesterday, I mean I enjoyed myself when doing the job, it was a job I really enjoyed. But after that, sadness took over me. I still can't imagine how I'm going to go through 4th of January, which is the first day of school next year. My juniors, or my family, would probably go to school as usual, being busier than ever due to the massive increase in number of students. And me, should I just sleep and let the morning pass and wake up later to realize everything is gone? Or go to school in the morning with my sister to take a look at the situation? My parents would probably forbid the second option though. I had spent the past 4 years anticipating the first days of school each year. I would wake up especially early and prepare for school, wondering how the new school year would be. But next year, the new school year is not mine anymore, I'm leaving for college. Thinking about this makes me feel empty. I know the moment which I yearn and relish is just a mere moment, but it has been with me for longer than I remember.

I thought I was ready, ready to let go, let go of Prefectorial Board and everything that has got to do with it, including the responsibilities as a prefect. But it turns out that I'm not. I'm not ready, I'm not prepared. In fact, I have this desire to hold on to it for as long as I can. But then, there's my parents pushing me on, and every time they say I've got nothing to do with school or Prefectorial Board, I truly felt sour. Am I putting too much feelings into Prefectorial Board? Perhaps, but that really can't be helped. Apart from a single best friend whom I cherish a lot, the others who I truly cherish and care for are these prefects, who have gave me hope and power over the years, and gradually stood place as family in my heart. And also not to forget our teacher who taught me a lot and loved us like her own children. Yes, many people hated her, and sometimes we might not agree with her, but from another perspective, she's always there to protect and defend us against harm, giving us the knowledge and "nourishment" we needed to grow. Sometimes I think, Prefectorial Board has given me so much. It gave me confidence. It gave me sociability. It gave me management skills. It gave me communication skills. It gave me patience. It gave me perseverance. It gave me many many more other unspeakable qualities, but most importantly, it gave me a feeling of belonging. I belonged there. In Prefectorial Board, there's always people who accept me for who I am, and tolerate me. Here, I never felt left out. I earned myself never-ending benefits which only myself can comprehend.

But all these will only become teenage memories. And I'm most fearful that these memories will fade with time. I will grow up, my family will grow up, and eventually how strongly bonded we are, I don't know. Of course I hope that our relationship will be forever, but time might sometimes be a real devil.

Please let the memories stay. In all of our hearts.

After note: Boxing Day 2011 have been the most memorable one. The best family outing. Ever.